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Hi friends, welcome to the Pain Free Birth podcast. I'm your host, Karen Welton, a certified doula childbirth educator and mother of three. In this space, we'll hear positive, supernatural, and yes, even pain free birth stories from women just like you. We'll explore the deeply spiritual side of childbirth and how God designed women's bodies brilliantly for birth. Let's get started.
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I'm so excited to interview Nicole Neesby today, who's been just a wonderful influencer, Instagram friend, birth junkie. We get to nerd out together and we've just kind of been in touch and DM'd and shared each other's stories and insights. So Nicole's going to share with us how her journey of four home births and healing from birth trauma.
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Um, so I'm just going to welcome Nicole. Thanks for, thank you. I know it's so, I feel like it's so fun when, I mean, I've been on Instagram for 12 years, I think right after I got married, I got an Instagram account and have just been sharing ever since then. And it is so fun when Instagram friends can become like friends that we just unwrap more layers of like getting to know each other and connecting and sharing stories and all that. So it's really special. Yes. Karen has been a huge help to me as you will see in my story, but.
01:30
I'm so excited to geek out about your births because they are they are so incredible. And for those of you who might not know, how old is your fourth at this point right now? She's two. She turned two in April. Yeah. So like, okay. So you'd have to scroll. You could probably find this on Nicole's Instagram as well, but you'd have to scroll back about two years. Instagram, but I shared her fourth home birth video and it shows her. You can see the her back. Some of you may remember this.
01:59
And she kind of like jolts and all of a sudden that baby like shoots out into the water and it is mind blowing. It was amazing. Honestly, like my best birth and we'll kind of get into that. Yeah, so that one was the one where she had the fetal ejection reflex. We even we shared about that on our stories. You shared some of the content I shared about it. It was this whole really fun way to educate women, which I talk about a lot now. But back then, I feel like two years ago, it was still pretty unheard of.
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I'm going to go ahead and get started. I'm going to go ahead and
02:58
And my mom had myself and then the two siblings that are just younger than me, she had them in the hospital and just had some not great experiences with pitocin and just that kind of led her towards looking into home birth. And that was back in the early 90s, which is really crazy. I always, I always like kind of joke because I'm like if there would have been Instagram back in the day, like my mom would have been the OG like home birth influencer because she was doing all the things she was looking into.
03:26
all the things that are like so like mainstream, I feel like now, and she was very much ahead of her time, but she had my four youngest siblings at home, and I was six, I think, when the younger of my brothers was born at home, my mom invited myself and my sister to be part of that. And you know, she had a friend that was there, and they like called us in like right before he was like, my mom was like crowning with him, and we got to be there, and it was just really special. All then all the way up to my little sister Aubrey, which if you follow me, you know, she's my,
03:55
little twin who's like 14 years younger than me. She has red hair. And we have such a special bond, but I was 14 when she was born and got to be part of that home birth experience as well. So I feel like growing up, I'm just so grateful. I mean, this is how it was back in the old days, right? Like when it was just moms giving birth at home and you had, you know, the birth workers or, you know, the generations just there, like our grandmas and like our moms like pouring in and it wasn't this kind of
04:23
just only trusting the experts, the quote unquote experts, right? But it was such a family experience. And I just feel really grateful that I got to grow up that way and that my mom normalized that. Okay, so fast forward, I get married. I just knew I wanted to have a home birth because that was my normal. And so I just wanna encourage any of you moms who are like blazing a trail, maybe you don't come from that family culture of-
04:47
looking at things from a holistic perspective or home birth or breastfeeding or whatever that is. If you're blazing a trail right now, girl, you are changing generations that are coming. Like you're normalizing all of this stuff for your kids, not just your daughters, but for your sons also. And I just think it's so powerful. And I'm very passionate about this, this whole topic. I love that. Okay, so fast forward, I get married. My husband comes from a very...
05:14
mainstream. I love my in-laws so much, but it's very, very mainstream. Like home birth, not normal, not the thing. And so I just told my husband, I was just like, this is what I want to do. And this is really important to me. And he was very supportive. But it was also like out there for him. You know, like, it was definitely like not the norm by any means. Anyway, so went through pregnancy. Everything was great. Honestly, I feel like I had like a really
05:42
relatively easy pregnancy, went into labor at 42 weeks on the day. And again, so thankful that just for my mom going before me, honestly, and just normalizing, she always had all of us overdue. And so just that normalizing of like everything, babies come when they're ready. That's why like one of my, I'll side tangent here for a second, but one of my pet peeves is like, how do we induce labor? And it's like.
06:07
babies come as a general rule. I'm not saying that there's not exceptions and there's not things where we need, you know, whatever. Okay, giving the disclaimers, but babies come when they're ready. Our bodies are so intelligent. They know what to do. And we fight so much against nature when we are just in this head space of like, it has to happen by this certain time. So I'm so thankful for that because again, when I was able to go into natural labor with my son Emmett on 42 weeks on the day,
06:36
Um, and you know, labored, I started having my first contractions. Like I was in the shower. It was like 11 o'clock in the morning. And I'm like, maybe today's the day, all the things my midwives came. I was going to do a water birth. I ended up laboring in the water a long time and then finally started pushing. And I ended up pushing for two hours, which I think is also a little bit. I know there's a whole range of what normal is, but I think when our bodies, Karen and I were kind of talking about this before we went live, like
07:02
when you have your first baby, like you gotta give yourself so much grace and also understand that there's again, such a range of normal, but our bodies, like yes, we were designed to do this, but it's also like riding a bike. We don't like, our bodies can physically like figure out how to ride a bike, right? But it's like, we have to learn how to like activate different muscles and like, how do we, you know, and I think that's how birth is also that first time. And I think there's something that is so.
07:28
sacred about firstborns. I don't know, I'm a firstborn. So I think I have like, such a special like bond, I think like, or just like a special soft spot in my heart for that, those first babies of families, because I just think it's like, we grow up together, we go through all this stuff with our first babies, like, that we don't know, we don't know what we're doing. And we're trusting the process and we're leaning on the supportive people. But there is such a, that rite of passage, I think of coming into motherhood with our first
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babies is just kind of holy ground, I think. It's just like something so special. So I pushed for two hours and it was intense. It was very intense. I had not. Here is one of my mistakes that I made. Learn from me, ladies. If you are happy to hear stories. I think I kind of like I was a little bit cocky, if I'm honest, like with my first because I'm like, oh, my mom, like I was attending home birth since I was six years old. Like I.
08:25
I'm not gonna read the books. And that was a fatal error, or not fatal error. That was like a big error, I think on my part, because I still clearly had so much to learn. But I think I was just a little bit like, I think I was just very confident because I had seen it so much. And like in hindsight, I'm like, oh, I should have just humbled myself a little bit and like read some books or like listen to, I don't know, whatever. But you know, you don't know until you know. And so I, it was just all so new. So I pushed for two hours and it was like,
08:51
so exhaust. It's so this is what's so crazy. And if you've had a baby, you know what this is. But like that time of pushing, especially with the first one, it's such it's like it's an eternity and also just like a split second. Does that make sense? Like I feel like it's so time is like nothing. You're just kind of like doing your thing. And, and I, but I was like getting tired. And you know, I, my midwife is like, so I'd been laboring in the pool. And I went and was like, I really think you need to get out and get on the birth stool. And we need to like change the
09:20
So I got out and sat on the birth stool. And then pretty shortly after that, then he was born. And it was all just such a blur, I think at that point, because I think I was so physically tired because I had just been pushing so long. And if you've pushed a long time, you know how that feels. Like it's just such an out of body experience and we didn't know what we were having. And so it was so fun. It was like, oh, it's a boy. And then everything just kind of happened really like quickly and was kind of a blur. I never, so I ended up having like really severe internal tearing.
09:50
And my midwife was like, we've got to like, it was just all kind of a blurge. Like we got to get this like bleeding to stop. So I got down on the floor and they gave me like a Pitocin shot or whatever. And like, anyway, long story short, within 20 minutes after he was born, I was in an ambulance being transported to the little Band-Aid Station hospital that was just up the street from where we lived. And we had to leave Emmett at the house, like with the midwife and my friend who was there taking pictures.
10:18
And then they called my family and my family came and like, you know, dressed Emmett. It's kind of like, I'm gonna get emotional. I just got my period today. So I'm like very emotional. But I just like remember, sometimes I feel sad. Like thinking back on that, I'm like, oh, I didn't even get to like hold him or like be there, you know, like in that moment. And my mom told me later that when they got there to the house, he was laying on the bed. And they kind of like got him like dressed up and put in the car seat to bring to the emergency room.
10:47
And anyway, that whole night I never passed out, which I was very lucid through all of that, but it was just very, it was really scary and just such a, just a wild experience. If you've had any like birth trauma or just like, it's just really intense, you know, and they, oh, sorry, go ahead. So it sounds like it happened pretty quick. Like you very, very fast. Had the baby and then your midwife notices there's a lot of bleeding. You said you had a severe
11:16
third degree tear? Do you remember? I don't I don't remember what it what it was, but I do remember that it I mean, it was like my mom when she came to the emergency room, she ended up asking the doctor like, how many like suture kits did you go through? And the late the doctor was like, I lost track like she was just I mean, she stitched on me for probably an hour or two, like it was a really long time, like, because it was just so, so severe, I lost a lot of blood. The doctor in the emergency room told my husband the next morning, he's like, she said,
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you're like, it's a god thing that you were lived that close to the hospital just because of like how much blood I was losing. And she said I lost, I think she said two-thirds of of my blood and like I ended up getting three transfusions and and then I ended up getting sick because I had been in the water like laboring so I was still in my wet clothes and it was the beginning of March there was snow on the ground in Iowa which is where he was born and so I ended up getting a cold.
12:10
And it was just, it was hard. Postpartum was really difficult. And you know, just like recovering so much. That's like, that's like trash. Like so many levels of trauma. It was a lot of trauma. And so I was like, wait, just to clarify again, you had like an internal bleeding or hemorrhage at the tear, not, not from the tear, but hemorrhaging internally.
12:31
too. No, so it wasn't it wasn't hemorrhaging from like the placenta. It was just such severe tearing and so much blood loss from the tearing. Wow. Anyway, and again, it was a bit of a blur and so I don't remember all and that's been like almost 11 years ago. So maybe you know the brain kind of like stores some of those traumatic things. Like wipes out whole sections of the banyan. Yes, yeah, but it wasn't it wasn't like a hemorrhage from the placenta. It was just from such severe tearing. Wow.
12:59
So then I came home the next day and you know, of course, I mean, just recovering from birth just in and of itself is a lot. And then, you know, trying to figure out nursing and just, you know, all the things. And then on top of that, you know, a million sutures and then getting sick, like it was a really, I just remember those first two weeks were like so difficult, so difficult. And my husband had to go back to work, but thank God we live close to my family. And my mom like
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you know, spent the night and would get up with Emmett at night so that, you know, I could rest and just had like so much. My younger sisters, cause again, I'm the oldest of seven. So like my younger sisters were still teenagers. So they would come over during the day and like hold him so I could take naps. And I just had like a lot of love and support. So note for all of us women, like just to be in each other's corner, especially if we don't, if you don't have family close or if you have friends who don't have family close, like I just think we need to.
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step up more, just to be present for each other. Like when we're having babies, because we need each other. And I think that's such an important, like that loneliness and just like factor, I think can just be so big. Like after, especially with your first, just it's so easy to isolate, I think. And especially if you've had any birth trauma or like a difficult experience. Anyway, that's a little tangent, but anyway, I'm just so thankful for my family and just like the help that we had and stuff. But anyway, so fast forward, we ended up getting pregnant.
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I went and it was like around a year. And so our boys are 20 months apart. And I, it's, I'm so thankful to God just for like, maybe it was again, just the legacy of my mom, like having like so many home births and it just being normal. Like I don't ever remember it being a, having gone through that, it being like a fear of home birth. Like home birth wasn't the issue, right? Like why I had those like difficult things. It was just, sometimes I think there's just things that happen, you know, that we just.
14:52
I don't know, so I just knew I wanted to have another home birth. And I don't know if it was because they were so close together or what is it, or just the grace of God. Like I think I just felt peace like going into labor again, like I think still just feeling those nerves for sure because it was such a difficult experience. But just hoping and believing that things could be different. And so anyway, ended up
15:17
You know, I fully expected with, with such a good point. I just want to comment on that. It's like, you didn't blame the home birth for the fact that you had a tear and bleeding just in the same way that like many, many women go. And that might sound crazy to some people, like, well, how could you do that? That clearly it's unsafe, but yet. So how many women like have a traumatic experience in the hospital and then go back to the hospital. And even though the hospital may have contributed to that trauma.
15:44
I mean, it may not have sometimes like things just kind of go, go wrong. But the fact that you guys acted on it, you, you, you made the intervention needed to. But, you know, we still, we still choose to birth. We still choose to heal and move forward from the trauma and where you birth isn't necessarily like the, the thing that caused it. Yeah. But.
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like we go back to the hospital after trauma. We go good. Yeah, we continue to birth at home. It's so much more I think about our culture and what we are where we feel safe. And that decision that is such a sacred personal decision for women. But I you know, for those who might be sitting there going, huh, that's weird, like, but we do it on the same on the other side. It's true. Yeah, go to where we feel the most safe. And that ultimately is going to help us have the safest birth when we feel
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I'm like,
17:08
I think I want to go with someone who has more ability to do more testing or just to try to be a little more like, um, aware and just like, I don't know, just like to have more ability to like order testing or just different things that didn't feel like, okay, this is, cause there was a weird aspect kind of of, you know, she couldn't really say she was the midwife when we were in the, in the emergency room. And you know, like those kinds of things, like if they're not like, cause I don't know the, the licensing and everything in the different States can just be different. But anyway,
17:36
Um, so we did end up getting a different midwife with our second. And I just want to say like, don't ever. If you have, you know, just always advocate for what's going to bring you the most peace, like in your decisions and just knowing that you can make tweaks and you can decide to go with a different provider or you can decide to like, you know, maybe you do a water birth and then you decide, okay, I want to do this or you birth in bed and then you want to do a water, you know, whatever. Like there's, I think it's just so important that we.
18:05
because especially as women, we can carry some of this, like we don't wanna make people feel bad or we don't wanna offend or we don't wanna whatever. It's like, it's so important that we are being true and honest to like what feels like it's gonna bring us the most peace and birth, because I think ultimately that is gonna be, like you said, the safest for us if we feel really good about our choices. So we did end up switching and having a different midwife and I fully expected to, you know.
18:31
Um, go over do again, because you know, that had happened with our first and I ended up, well, my due date was wrong, but we thought I was 38 weeks. So I thought I was, I ended up going into labor at 38 weeks, which we found out later based just on his like Apgar and everything that he was actually like 40 weeks. So he was more like right on time with my due date was just like off because, you know, I didn't really have, I had one.
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little cycle kind of like I cycled once and then I got pregnant. So you know sometimes it takes your body like the hormones and everything as you're like postpartum like everything leveling out and stuff. So anyway my due date was off. I ended up going into labor what I thought was two weeks early and it was just such an amazing redemptive experience. Like we did another water birth but we did it like in our claw foot bathtub in our like 120 year old house that we lived in and our
19:24
I just feel like felt such a mercy and like a hand of God and just like bringing so much peace in that experience. I think I was so thrown off that I went into labor early, you know, because I just wasn't expecting that. So I think that was like a gift of God also, you know, just that it kind of happened so quickly in that sense. Anyway, it just was such a phenomenal experience. I didn't tear at all. I pushed like two or three times. Like it was like night and day difference from my first birth, no tearing.
19:53
So much, I mean, from- Were you afraid you were gonna tear again badly? Yeah, for sure. I think I was just like, I don't know. I think it's like, if that's your only experience, it's just kind of like, okay, maybe this is my new, maybe this is my normal. Maybe this is just what it's gonna be for me. But it was just, I think my full labor in total, I started having contractions like around 10 or 10.30 at night and he was born at like 4.30 in the morning. So my labor time was cut in half. Like it was just-
20:22
such a redemptive experience. And I just walked away from my second birth, just feeling like, oh my gosh, like, it can be different. Like just because you have one birth experience one way doesn't mean that that has to define all of your birth experiences. So that was- That's a word for somebody listening right now. Yeah. It was so- So many good gold nuggets here. So healing and just like my postpartum experience was-
20:50
just so much better. I mean, even just like not getting sick and not having to transport to the hospital. I was like, okay, this is an instant glow up. Like this is so much easier. Anyway, so that was amazing. Then fast forward, we ended up moving to San Diego and got pregnant and again, wanted to do another home birth. And it was, I think my favorite thing of that birth. And this is a two, what I wanna encourage. I have so many thoughts. I just wanna like share all the things. But I think like, I think it's,
21:20
We need to look at every birth experience, every pregnancy. I mean, this even transcends just birth, but everything that we go through in life, how can, in the good, in the bad, in the ugly, in the challenges, whatever it is, how can we treasure hunt for the little nuggets of what it is meant, what we're meant to learn from that experience? Yes, I love that so much. Actually, that reminds me of like, every time I was pregnant, I would pray and ask God, like, what is the,
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the theme of this birth. What is the word for this birth? And everyone, he would give me something different. I love that. I'm trying to remember what they all were now, but they were each one was so unique. Like, yeah, it was like joy and like, and the whole her whole birth was it was my longest birth, but like, it was filled with laughter is a home birth. I had so many friends and doulas and midwives there and we ate and laughed the whole time.
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while I was working through getting this asynchronic baby down and chugging up the stairs, but I was literally laughing through all of it. It was like, oh, what a joy. And then my third, God said, this birth will be marked by peace and intimacy. And I was like, whoa, that's so different than my last. And it was completely private, me and my husband, peeled from so much of our own personal things. And in the bathtub, music playing, candles, he's pouring water on my belly. And there were moments that I like,
22:47
And I'm like, no, this is like, this is what God said. And it like aligned my heart. So I love that point you just made of like finding the treasure and, and like looking for it, because how often do we focus and look for like, like, what's the point of finding the treasure? And I'm like, no, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that.
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we focus on the negative and like, oh, well, my doctor said I'm high risk and all. Well, my mom always has cesareans and all. Well, I tore with my last one. So, and we just like hyper fixate on the negative, but what could, what could be possible if we pressed in and treasure hunted for God's blessing and goodness and truth and actually got like that, a supernatural download of like a vision. Yeah. What your birth could be like. Yeah.
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unique to that birth. It's completely unique to you and that baby and that season of your life. Yes. And there's so much goodness in it, no matter what you're going through, no matter how crazy the world is, no matter how messed up your life is, like there is always God's goodness in the midst of the chaos, his treasure is there for you to discover. Yeah. So I just love that. Yeah, I feel like that. I didn't actually, I heard that from one of my mentors, Dr. Edie Wadsworth, and she talks about that.
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like just not in regards to birth specifically, but just in all of life and in all the challenges and the things, you know, the ups and downs that all of us have. And that has, that little thing of just how can I treasure a hunt has radically transformed so much of it. Because like you said, it is our human, it is our human nature.
24:34
to automatically find the bad automatically fine, because I think it's a self protection a little bit. It's survival instinct. And so we don't even have to make ourselves wrong that we do that. But I don't, my experience with life, my experience in birth, in pregnancy, in motherhood, in marriage, in friendship is solely all the thoughts I decide to think about it. And so if I am leaning into that survival mode of just like,
25:01
This is what's going wrong and the sky is falling in and everyone's out to get me. And it's gonna be terrible and it's life is just for sure gonna be hard. What are we gonna, we're gonna find a lot of difficulties in life because right, what does the Bible tell us? There will be trials and difficulties and tribulations. Like we just know it's gonna happen because God promised it. But if we choose and we renew our minds to just, how can I treasure hunt? How can I look for the good? How can I look for the miracles? How can I look for the lessons and the nuggets of wisdom? And like you said, the downloads that God wants to give us,
25:31
When we turn our brains onto that, it radically shifts because our brains always are going to find what we tell it to look for. Yep. It's the reticular activating system. It's your brain, like if you go, if you're looking to buy a Nissan car, you're going to see all the Nissan cars. Yes. If you train your brain to search, to treasure hunt for the good, for God's goodness in your pregnancy, in your life, like you're going to see it and you're going to find it.
25:57
So true, like the quality of your life is the quality of your thoughts and your emotions and what you're focusing on. It's so much less about like, what's actually happening around you, what you feel internally. And that's, I mean, that I just, I love that, like we're so in a way that can shift the whole trajectory of your birth experience simply by shifting your focus. Yes. Yeah. Okay, so what I was gonna tell you with my third, so we're in San Diego.
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excited to have another baby. And what was so amazing about this experience, and I think the treasure that I got in that third birth experience. Now again, mind you, I had not like still not read books, still not listening to podcasts, like I'm like sticking the mud here. And I, um, and it was, I went into labor on a Sunday and had an amazing like laboring experience. My sister got to be there that my sister that lives in Mexico, she was there with her little daughter who was like seven months at the time.
26:54
one of my like dearest friends that lived there was able to be there. Like it was just, I think by my third, I was like, okay, let's just, it's a party. Like who can I invite who, you know, like who can be here with me to experience this? Cause I think I was getting more up on my feet just as a mom and just, you know, okay, I've already been through birth, you know, the twice already. And so, um, had those people there and it was just such a like sweet time of having them there and laboring. I did a water birth and I remember this. So this was my like,
27:22
such a like nugget for me like in this particular labor with my third and again we didn't know what we were having um and so we so i'm in labor it's going on into the evening um i think i started in active labor maybe at
27:37
like four o'clock in the afternoon, five o'clock, by five o'clock I was definitely like getting into active labor. And it was around maybe eight, 15, 830 at night. And I remember like, I can remember it as clear as day where I was in the water and I looked over at the wall and I looked at the clock and I'm like, I just want to have this baby. I just want to be done by nine o'clock. Like I just want to be done. Like I just, I, I'm like, you know, tapping out a little bit, you know, and just, you get to that point in transition, you know, where you're just like, Oh my gosh, I don't know if I can keep doing this.
28:05
But I remember that very clearly looking at the clock and it was maybe like 830 or something at night. I'm like, I just want to be done by nine. She was born at like 857 or something like that, like literally minutes before nine o'clock. And it was so that and she ended up being born on call. It was our first daughter. It was like such an amazing, again, no tearing. She was 10 pounds. No tearing. It's like, it's been gone. Oh my gosh. It's been an incredible experience.
28:34
And it was just so sweet. My little niece who was there and you know, my sister, she wouldn't, my niece wouldn't go to sleep. Like she was just like, it was like, she could like sense the energy of the room and like of the birth and everything. And she was there. We had this like little video of my sister standing at my head right after Everly was born, my daughter. And my little niece is like looking down at her, like new little best friend that was just born. And literally as soon as my daughter was born, my little niece just went and laid down and went to sleep. Like it was such a beautiful.
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amazing experience. And again, just another layer, like shorter labor and delivery. Like it was just like, it just keeps getting better. Like this is so phenomenal. Okay. So fast forward, we moved to Mexico and I, at the beginning of 2020, I got pregnant with our fourth, ended up having a miscarriage like around seven weeks and just totally out of left field. Like so such a shock after having, you know, three totally just honestly being able to like kind of like
29:32
order a baby, honestly, just like, okay, we're ready to get pregnant. And it's just like the next month you're pregnant, like no problems. And I think you just don't know how easy you have it until you experience a miscarriage. And then you're like, Oh my gosh, like what is happening? Like it just came completely out of left field and it was at the beginning of 2020. So, you know, the world is like crazy. We're living in Mexico. Like it just so many things. It was just, it was a very, very difficult season. I have never experienced depression. Like I did after that, like just really difficult. Anyway.
30:00
Fast forward, ended up getting pregnant. We decided not to give birth in Mexico and we ended up renting an Airbnb in San Diego because I wanted to go with my same midwives that I had had with our first daughter. And that's when I found Karen on Instagram. I found her pain-free birth. A friend of mine had recommended the book Supernatural Childbirth. And this is the first time I started hearing about pain-free birth. I'm like, this is so weird. This is so weird and so trippy. And I'm like...
30:27
No way. This is like fake news. Like there's no way this could be accurate. But I was curious. And I really think at that point, my guard and my walls were just down a lot. And I just maybe, you know, like when you get older, you're just like, life knocks you around a little bit. And you're like, maybe I don't know as much as what I think I know. So maybe I should like humble myself and like keep learning. So I read the book, Supernatural Childbirth.
30:54
tripped with my brain. I was just like, what is happening right now? Have you read that book? I'm sure you probably know. Yeah, that's the first book I read actually that opened the door for me too to actually pray for pain-free birth with my first. So I discovered that because I knew like, okay, it's got to be better than what I'm told. Like it's got to be, there's got to be another way to do this. So I found that book and read it. That was my first like awakening into this. I'm like, okay, it's possible.
31:20
reading that because that book is like probably 30 years old by now. People like the babies and this birth stories they're telling in this book, I'm like realizing these women, these babies are like my age now they were born in the 80s because this is it's an old school tiny little book. It's a quick read. It's easy read you can find it on Amazon. And I don't I don't agree with everything in that book now because I've learned and grown so much.
31:47
There's definitely things in there that are questionable, but sure. Yeah. It will build your faith for a pain. Yes. Sure. And then I started praying like, okay, God, I need to meet people who are who've actually given birth that are like in my generation, like people I can talk to like how we find somebody because I was like the the books great, but I'm like, this is an eight a book. That's from the 80s. Like right. I need to know this is still happening today. And that's when I went on this journey of starting to collect
32:15
birth stories, which is okay. Why we're sitting here right now because it just like culminates. But yeah, that book was actually, it was a desire in my heart. Then I found that book, then I kept praying and fighting and like hunting. I went on a hunt for pain free. Wow. For like my whole pregnancy. And I it took me like three, I'll tell you this, it took me like three or four months to find one woman who told me I had a pain free birth. Oh my gosh, it was a friend of mine in San Diego.
32:45
And she told me, yeah, her second baby was pain free. And now I'm like, this is trippy because I literally get to share women's stories every day and they email them to me every day. It's so amazing. And it's like I have an inbox and a spreadsheet of hundreds of them now. Like I cannot share them fast enough. And I'm like, looking at like how the tides are shifting. It's just.
33:11
It gives me goosebumps because it's like Jackie Mai is the author of that book. I truly believe she was a pioneer in in the concept in this movement that that pain free birth is even possible that you can pray for it, that you can believe for it, that it's biblical, that it's. Yeah. Yeah. Desires this for you. And so it really just introduced that whole concept to the church and to women to go, wow, I can pray for this and believe I'm not like doing something bad and going against. Yeah. Yeah.
33:41
I don't have to experience pain. Yeah. So the book is called Supernatural Childbirth. And I agree with you, and this is another little nugget maybe for somebody. I think we need to do better as a culture, and maybe just as Christians, maybe this is a Christian problem, of being able to take in information.
33:58
keep the good, spit the sticks, spit the junk, you know, because I think sometimes we can just so much be like, maybe it's just the culture I grew up in, but it's like so all or nothing. Yeah, it's like black and white. Maybe it's not all like black and white. Maybe it's like, there's some nuggets of truth in there and something you can take away. And because yeah, I'm with you. Like it's not, the other book that was really helpful for me that I read with Everly leading up to her birth was, oh gosh, I'll remember it.
34:24
I'll remember it is all I can do is supernatural childbirth. And then, um, I don't know, I can't remember. I'll, I'll think about it and I'll tell you guys, text me. Anyway, so, um, okay. So I started like just learning. And then I found, I found Karen. I started just ferociously consuming Karen's like Instagram. And this was before your account really got big. I feel like we connected when you were really just getting started. Yeah. If it was two years ago, that would have been in the first year. Yeah. Um, I think it would have been like in this end of the winter spring of
34:54
2021. So like, I think you were really just getting started. Oh, yeah. No, that's like, right. That's like when I first started my account, I think was so funny. I have this like, I screenshot this, the post that you had done. And it was this like uterus with flowers coming out of it. Do you know which posts I'm talking about? I know exactly what you're talking about. Ejaculation, reflux, and just
35:18
So interesting. Delete this. Delete this entire thing. I'm like, do I love it? No, I gotta say something. Fetal ejection. Oh my word. That's so amazing. I mean, kind of a smaller concept, right? Um, anyway. Understandable mistake. So funny. Okay. Anyhow, what I was saying is I like remember reading that and remember how you in that post, you talked about how the muscles are like, you know, every contraction is building up even like our pre like if you have
35:46
for dermal labor or whatever it is, it's like, it's all, every contraction is building up those muscles and just how, you know, it's, we're not pushing, but it's like those muscles that are, you know, all of that, whatever, the whole post. And it was, I don't know why it was just such a light bulb moment for me and something I had never heard again, because I wasn't reading the books and I wasn't in the right circles, apparently, to be like learning this stuff. And I was mind blowing. Yeah. It's like the physiology of birth and it's the purpose of every contraction you're having. It's not, and we think it's to dilate us.
36:16
Yes. Secondary purpose. That's a secondary like side effect. The real purpose of your contractions is to build the strength in the fundus. Yes. Top of the uterus. Yeah. Engine for birth, your uterus pushes. So all of labor where it's pulling up, it's not just to open a hole in your body. It does that, but it's actually a strong fundus. Yeah. I share all about that in my e-course and I go into like detail.
36:42
And it does, it changes your whole perception of like, what's happening in your body. And to work with your body instead of like, no, this is me just having to muscle this baby out of me. So I remember screenshotting and I think I shared that like thing and I was, it was just so mind blowing for me. And it was like the perfect, and again, the treasure hunting, like God always in the details, always letting us know exactly what it is that we need to see in any given moment, like it's just so, it's always working out for our good. And so,
37:12
We're in San Diego, we're in this Airbnb, we're like, I'm waiting to go into labor. My mom got to come, she got there and I had a lot of pre labor, like prodromal labor which I'd never had with my other kids before. But again, just like so thankful, just like, okay, trust in the process, trust my body, my body knows what to do. It's all gonna happen in the way it's supposed to.
37:33
Anyway, ended up going into labor on a Sunday night and late at night started having contractions timing them all the things and I'm just like kind of in denial because I'm like, Oh my gosh, like, you know, you don't want to call the midwife too soon, all the things and all whatever. Anyway, Adams like you had beautiful one midwifery, right? Yes, which I love them. I love them for my podcast as well. Oh, yeah. If you live in San Diego, you got I mean, they're like
37:59
I'm incredible. Honestly, like my, I just love them so much. I'm like, please come to North Carolina when I have my next baby. Like, can you do travel? Like, what do we have to do to make this happen? Anyway, they're just absolutely phenomenal. And just the information they share on their Instagram is just, they're just amazing. I just like love them so much. Anyway, okay, so go into labor. They come, I get in the tub. And it was just like, I had my worship playlist. I was just like, really, like,
38:27
so much of the mindset work of just like relaxing my body, like working with my body, like I'm, you know, and just believing that a pain-free birth could be possible. Like it was such so trippy to like really just be like, I'm actually believing in praying. And in that spiritual or the supernatural child birth book, they talk about this prayer of like how, or just kind of like.
38:52
you know, Jesus came to overcome the curse of sin and death, like in this world. And so like literally I would just like pray over and over like no pain, no pain. Like Jesus, like just praying. I get so emotional like thinking about it because it was just such a, like a really spiritual experience for me and something I had never experienced before of almost like partnering with God, like in my birth experience and just like, I mean, I know that sounds so cliche, but I just had never like put that like two and two together before. And it was.
39:21
amazing. Like it was, you know, like labor is intense, right? And you have to focus, you know, and it is like work that we're doing. And, um, but just honestly, like right up until I had a little bit of pain when her head was coming out. I have very big headed babies. So there was definitely some stinging there. I'm not going to like, Oh, yeah, I don't know how to get rid of the, the fire. Like, yeah, somebody has like,
39:49
insight on that, let us know. But yeah, I just told him, you know, it's a few seconds, most cases, and then it's gone. Yeah. And it was like, so phenomenal. But up into that point, I feel like it was just this like amazing, just like partnering with God, that prayer, like believing everything has been overcome because the gospel, the cross, like is like heaven on earth, like how like this is real. And it was so powerful. And like, it was so sweet, because my mom got to be there, which was like,
40:16
such a full circle moment, like it was so beautiful. And then one of my other sisters who lives in San Diego literally walked in the door like right, because it was like such a like quick, like it was such a faster like birth experience. And like my, one of my little sisters, Beth, like walked in the door like right as I was getting ready to push and then we got our kids up and our kids got to be there. And it was just so beautiful. And I think also having been through a miscarriage and if you've been through a miscarriage, you know what this feels like, but there's something
40:46
so healing about finally like having like, oh this baby that you've prayed for and that you have contended for and that you just, I think like a pregnancy after a miscarriage a little bit, you kind of hold your breath. I think the whole pregnancy because you're just like, like you just want everything to be okay and you realize how fragile and what a miracle like life is that we get to bring these souls into the world.
41:13
and just holding her for the first time and just being there with my mom and my sisters and our kids were there and like my favorite midwives and like people it was just it was so beautiful and my birth song came on that I had like wanted that it was just like um I am blessed I'm called I'm healed I'm restored like right as she and I didn't even know that that song was playing
41:38
until I went back and I watched the video and if you watch my birth video like that song is just like playing over the speaker like literally as she's like coming out of my body. It was amazing and that was the song I wanted like as I was putting my playlist together I was just like I just love because that song was so such a faith I think like cry for me through that pregnancy after my miscarriage just like believing that like because I had had this miscarriage and these challenges before
42:06
Again, doesn't have to define the rest of my story. That doesn't mean that now I'll never be able to like give birth to a living baby. And I just was like, it was such a, like, literally an unbelievable experience. And I just remember when she came out, I was like, Oh my gosh, that was so easy. Like I can do this again. Like it was literally like in the video, you could be in the video, like your whole body.
42:28
convulsive and she just like came like over the edge of the tub and it was just like it was amazing. What does that feel like? Like it feels like there's something happened in your body to like cause that to her to just shoot out. I don't know like because I know like I definitely feel like I had to like push her head out but then it was just like this kind of I don't even know you have to just watch the video I feel like it was just so like such a surreal feeling of just like
42:53
I don't know, like getting that head, the heads are always the hardest for me. You guys. I'm like my baby's. Um, but did you feel your body pushing during that or did you have to, were you like, like, was that pushing different than your other labor's? Yeah, I feel, I definitely feel like I had those moments of like my body was pushing for me, does that make sense? But I feel like with, I definitely feel like with.
43:17
her head, I had to push the head out. Again, I have like really big babies because she was like almost 10 pounds again. Like, I feel like my baby's- And I think that's probably like, that makes sense. Like, especially if the head is at the perineum, like ready to emerge, sometimes it takes some of our effort to like help that baby crown. Cause that can be so intense. Like the biomechanics of that whole crowning and then external rotation. It takes an incredible amount of like,
43:47
breathwork and control to not panic and tear and just like go through it. It's so important to go slow and work with your body and be in tune with your body. And like whether your body, you know, pushes that baby out and it's F-E-R and it just comes out or whether you're gonna add some to it, either way, like the like trusting the wisdom and the intelligence of our bodies in that moment, every moment, especially like that crowning and birth, it can really prevent a lot of
44:16
hearing and pelvic floor damage in your in your postpartum recovery. Yeah. Even though you want it to be over so quickly. I know. It really helps to slow down. So like, for those of you taking notes, like slow down when that baby's crowding. Yeah. Anyway, it was just amazing. And I just, again, like, so, so thankful. And yeah, so redemptive, like in so.
44:40
many ways and just was like an amazing experience. It was so fun like having our kids there. And again, I think that wasn't like I wasn't and this I think is maybe a word for somebody to like, just knowing it's okay for every birth to like look different. And it's okay, you know, like when I had my first kids, I wasn't ready to have my mom there. Nothing against my mom, but I think it was just all felt so or my sisters like it all felt so new. And I just was trying to figure everything out. And I think there's such a grace and just
45:08
giving ourselves a lot of grace and just like, let every experience look different and to press into what feels like is going to be the most life-giving and the most peaceful for you in any given season with any given baby and just to know that it's okay if that looks different every time, you know? And anyway, it was just, it was so special. It was so special. So yeah, I just, I just really.
45:34
I don't know if you have anything else that you want to say, but I just like want to just encourage whether you are pregnant with your first or like thinking about having babies or you know, you've maybe had a traumatic experience. Just let my story be encouraging for you that redemption and healing is always possible. And I think if we can choose that intentional thought, redemption is possible, healing is possible. The one way that my story has gone doesn't define the rest of how my story is going to go.
46:04
I just really want to encourage you with that because it's so possible. And I think that, I honestly think the most challenging or difficult thing we're ever gonna do in life is learning how to harness our thoughts and how to renew our minds for life and for the things that are life-giving and hope and faith, which is literally the evidence of the things we haven't seen yet. So maybe you don't feel like you have this amazing birth story or this amazing experience or whatever it is.
46:33
but always choosing to hang on to that faith and that belief that that is possible, I think is, it is the essence of faith. And I think that is what often can usher us into those experiences that we desire and that we hope for and pray for. Yes, I love everything about that. It's so true. I feel like that's just like the beautiful, perfect place to like end it right there. It's just like that encouragement to the, to mamas who are in that place of, of
47:02
of holding onto that faith and believing for like the redemptive birth or their first birth after overcoming, you know, the fear and the trauma and the lies and like all the stories that have been dumped on us in our womanhood of how bad and scary and painful birth is and writing our own story. Like we hold on to our own story. Even if you yourself had a traumatic birth, you get to write your own story for your next baby and hold onto that faith.
47:30
treasure hunt for the things that God has for you because there's always more goodness, there's always redemption, there's always healing, and that can look so different for each person. But I just, I so believe in what you're saying and, oh, it's, what a beautiful gift, what a, what a, what beautiful stories you have to share. And thank you for sharing.
47:50
those stories. I feel like you just handed us like four gifts, like four birth stories. I'm just gonna give them to you as gifts. And like, I hope they will bless you and they are such a blessing. There's so many gold nuggets in that. Nicole, like where can people find you if they want to, you know, connect with you more? Yeah. Well, I love Instagram. Honestly, I think there can be such a like bad wrap around social media and I'm like...
48:15
if you find the right people to follow and to connect with and the right community, I mean, you're such a picture of that, but I love showing up on Instagram. So that's probably the best place to follow me and just to connect with me. I love sharing in stories and just talking about our life and just as a mom, pressing in towards healing, wholeness, and just like holistic motherhood is something, not from a place of chasing perfection, but just, hey, how can I make...
48:40
little steps towards being healthier in mind, body, spirit is just such a passion of mine. And I love inviting other moms into that with us because we're not about perfection. We're not trying to get it all right. We're just like, it's such a process and a journey.
48:54
Um, and I, I love sharing that. So that's probably the best way is just to follow me here on Instagram. I also have a blog that I, or like a website, it's nicoleneesbyblog.com, but I'm most active here on Instagram. So awesome. Thank you so much for sharing. And for any of you guys who are tuning in today, um, and are interested in learning more about pain-free birth, I talk all about pushing the fetal ejection reflex, the anatomy of pushing the first and second stage, how to master pain in every contraction and, and breathe and, and.
49:24
calm and relax your body and work with your body and all the things we talked about in this podcast, there's a e-course that walks you through it step by step. It's the course I created when I wished something like this existed when I was searching, when I was like hunting down these birth stories and praying and hunting for like, is this possible? Can this happen for me? Like, and how do I do it? Not just is it possible? I believe it's possible, but like, how is it possible? What do I do?
49:50
Once that like, I know there's probably like some principles to learn here. So I essentially created the course I wish I had as a young mother. And now thousands of women have taken it and we get the birth stories every day. I mean, and even birth stories of just people who are, who are captured getting the light bulb moments from like the truth of how God designed your body brilliantly for birth and he designed in a way that doesn't require you to have pain in the process. So if you are interested or fascinated by that at all.
50:20
You can find that at the link in my bio as well at painfreebirth.com or painfreebirth.com pain at painfreebirth on Instagram or painfreebirth.com is my website. So for any of you guys interested, let me know. And I hope that that blesses you guys, but thank you, Nicole, so much. Thank you for inviting me. I love what you do and you're such a good friend. Thank you for sharing. It's been awesome. Bye everybody. Bye guys.
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Thank you for listening to this episode of the Pain Free Birth podcast. If you were encouraged, it would mean so much if you left us a five-star review and shared this with your community. I'd love to connect with you on Instagram at PainFreeBirth. To learn more about the Pain Free Birth e-course, free resources, private coaching, and upcoming events, find out more at painfreebirth.com. See you next week.
