00:05
Hi friends, welcome to the Pain Free Birth podcast. I'm your host, Karen Welton, a certified doula, childbirth educator, and mother of three. In this space, we'll hear positive, supernatural, and yes, even pain free birth stories from women just like you. We'll explore the deeply spiritual side of childbirth and how God designed women's bodies brilliantly for birth. Let's get started.
00:29
Oh my gosh. Hello, mamas. Hello, everybody. Today we are interviewing the amazing Cait Scudder. I just adore this woman. She is so remarkable and incredible. Cait is a business coach. She runs a seven-figure company. She was also a client of mine and I also a client of hers. So lots of love. Good talk forever.
00:59
I'll share, I could share a lot more, but really I'm having Cait on today to talk about her birth story, because she went on an amazing journey. And I was so honored to walk alongside her, long distance, of course, because you're in Maine, I'm in South Carolina. But your story is so incredible. And I just wanted to interview you to get a chance for you to share it. How old is... Oh, Karen.
01:26
It's Jack right now. He is making an appearance. Jack is 12 weeks old. I cannot believe it's been 12 weeks. And Karen, I just adore you so much. And I am so, so grateful to you. I am so happy to share my birth story and to talk about this because it truly was such a redemptive, beautiful experience. And, you know, it's funny, like you're like, of course we were at long distance, but I got to tell you, I felt like you were right there with me. I remember what a week before Jack was born, FaceTiming.
01:56
reverse engine, like reversed on the toilet like this, is this what I'm supposed to do? And you're like walking me through all these conditions. It was so beautiful. It felt very much like you were right there. Like virtual doula. Yeah, seriously. Oh, I love it. I know I love, I love just working with you and your husband as well. It was just an incredible journey. Can you tell us a little bit about where you started? Like when with your first birth, what happened with that? And then what led you to call me?
02:24
Oh my god, 100%. So I had my daughter Ella, she's going to be two years old, can you even believe it, on October 11. So she was born October of 2020. I, you know, and I'm, I'm not crunchy mom, I took a hypno birthing class, I
02:45
really with my first went into it, desiring to have a home birth, desiring to have all the fairy lights, the candles, the whole thing at home. And when I went 41 and six, my water broke. This is with Ella, with my first. My water broke and there was meconium in the water. And I didn't even have a hospital bag to pack, Karen. I had no plan B. It was all like, it's going to be hypnobirthing. I am grateful that I took that hypnobirthing class, but that...
03:15
as my, you know, pre birth prep course. They were showing videos from like the seventies, women fully dilated in a hospital bed, sitting up like eating full course chicken dinners. So in my mind, I'm like, okay, cool. I'm like a yoga teacher. I have that background. I know about like sensation and breathing through it. This is just gonna be like holding chair pose. So, okay, get into the hospital. I am already in that fear.
03:41
like state because everything has gone wrong and I haven't planned for a plan B. I am in so much tension because this is in the time of COVID so the doctors are like, wear a mask. I ended up not wearing it, but swabbing my nose, like is my midwife who, you know, was gonna be the facilitator of our home birth, is she even allowed in? They did let her come in, but there was just so much tension in my body from being late.
04:10
having to transfer at the very beginning of labor, we got lost, like going to the hospital, like basically everything that could have gone wrong did. And so I got to the hospital and I really, despite having like an incredible naturopathic midwife who's extremely experienced, despite having the single most supportive partner in the world who was by my side, there was a bunch of issues that just went west during my labor with Ella. They forced me to have...
04:38
an IV, even though it wasn't really necessary. Nobody was monitoring my, like if I was urinating, if I was peeing, and they wouldn't let me go to the toilet. And so my labor with her was like 26 hours long, I think. And after I had her, which was just, it was like such a painful experience. They wouldn't let me push in the toilet for like the last eight hours. They wouldn't actually even let me go to the bathroom because they were afraid I was going to push on the toilet.
05:07
Hello, if you have studied with Karen. So that's where your sphincters want to open, but that's a hospital policy. I wasn't even allowed to go to the bathroom. So anyway, I had a third degree tear. Ella came roaring out of me. And after that whole experience, after what should have been the golden hour being about being in surgery and getting stitched up with this really big third degree tear.
05:35
they put a catheter in and took a liter and a half of urine out. So I was like this close to having my bladder rupture. It's a miracle that a nine and a half pound baby, which was how big Ella was, could come out of me with my bladder that big. I mean, they showed me the bag of urine. It was like bigger than a football and I had to push a baby past that to get her out. And so not only from like a pelvic, I did a lot of pelvic floor therapy, rehabilitation, healed my body.
06:03
But the biggest thing, Karen, that I really had to heal coming into this next pregnancy was my mindset and was the belief that it was possible to me, for me to have a home birth, to have it be peaceful, to have it be beautiful, to feel powerful in my body. I managed, I mean, I was like begging them to give me a C-section. I was like, Miss Crunchy Granola being like, give me any drugs you got. It was too late to have an epidural.
06:32
So I had a natural home birth, or natural hospital birth rather, but it was very, very traumatic. And so my mindset work was like, I know that my body is made for this. I know that people are not lying when they say a pain-free birth is possible, but my lived experience, my cellular memory is so opposite to that, that I need to really do some work to this. And I just want to like pause here for a second, say.
06:59
I'm obviously a business coach, mindset mentor. I think that so much of the time, we talk about wanting something and yet the actual rolling up our sleeves and getting in the mud and committing, not just the money, but the time and the energy to doing that, it feels hard and we can create all these reasons why not. And one thing I am just so proud of myself for and so incredibly grateful to you for, Karen, I'm gonna tear up, is that...
07:28
you really provided a place for me to invest in myself and invest in something that I knew was a priority for me. And so it wasn't just like, I'm going to casually rewatch the Ina May documentary and I'm going to read a blog here or there. I started following and binging all of your content. I'm like, yep, I want the course, but also I want to work with this woman privately, because I had some deeper stories that I really wanted.
07:55
that support to walk with you and to let go of. And I'll never forget on my first call or our first call together. And maybe I even wrote this in my questionnaire when I was onboarding. I can't remember, but you were like, what's your biggest, what's one of your biggest fears about labor? And I'm like, this is such a weird fear, but I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to pee because in my, my labor with Ella, I didn't even realize that I had gone like 10 hours or something without peeing.
08:24
And so in my head, like I was very, very afraid. Am I even gonna be able to feel that function in my body because I was so divorced from it in my last labor. And so that was a big fear I was moving through. And of course I was afraid to tear again. I had a really, you know, a really severe tear that took a long time to heal. I couldn't like walk across the room.
08:51
for about three weeks after my birth with Ella, walk across the room without holding onto someone or something. And so I was just like, dear God, I know this is possible to have a beautiful home birth, but I don't know how it's gonna happen. And, but I did know that it was possible and watching your content was so empowering and it really gave me the knowing of like, I know this woman can help me.
09:18
I know this woman is like, she's had three babies of her own. She's guided hundreds and hundreds if not thousands of women to this process. And it's like, it's so moving to me right now because this was what a year ago, not even this woman on the other side, literally holding my baby who by the way, y'all was 10 pounds, 15 pounds with a 15 inch head. What even? Stand here and say, I had a pain free birth.
09:48
and it is so freaking possible. So it's your- Woo! I know, I'm like sweet. It's like, yes, mama. It's possible, but like, oh my God. So I wanna talk about, I mean, I don't wanna like spoil all of the juiciness, not that I can't get to the top of it. I just wanna jump in. It's like so hard to hold back. I just wanna like touch on what you said. I think it's so beautiful because you said like you needed to believe it was possible and-
10:14
It's so relevant, I think, for so many women listening who have had traumatic birth experiences for whatever reason. I mean, it's one in four women now say they have experienced birth trauma. And we're talking about that all this week. And so I think it's so powerful for women to hear each other's stories and birth stories to know that it is possible. It is not just for a select few. It's not just for certain people.
10:42
And I love that you walked through a very real process of having to face your fears. And everyone's fears are so unique. The fact that yours is like that I will be able to pee in labor or that I'll tear again and have another horrible postpartum. Those are so unique to you and your body, like your mind, your heart wants to believe this is possible, like you're seeing it. But there's that trauma still stored in your body. Your body still has that cellular memory.
11:11
of what it felt like when you couldn't pee and the pain you experienced. And I just love that you were like, no, I know this is possible. I'm going to invest in myself. You're like the queen of like, investing in yourself and like leveling up. And so I just have to commend you for that because it takes a risk. No matter who you are, and what you've been through, it's always going to be a risk to bet on yourself and to have to face that fear and say, okay.
11:39
It'd be so easy to just like sit back and say, okay, that's just the what's my story. And that's going to have to be the next one. That's what birth is for me. 100%. Like that's, you know, people like me, I'm just, I just have this or, you know, and I even had that resurge as well. Like in my pregnancy with Jack, I gain a lot of weight when I'm pregnant. I gained around 50, I don't know, two or something pounds with, with Ella. With Jack, I gained nearly 60 pounds. And so I'm like, holy s***.
12:09
I was like, this baby's going to be humongous. Maybe I just like tear and have third degree tears because I make really big babies and I gain a lot of weight. Maybe that's just what happens for me. Right. I think it's so easy as women when we've had an experience, again, whether that is in business, whether that's in romantic relationships and dating, or whether that's in a birth story to just say, well, I just attract a-holes or well, I just can't do launches or well.
12:37
You know, I just can't have the birth of my dreams. And it's so important that we remember, like if your desire is in you, it's holy, it's inside of you for a reason. I know that there was nothing, is nothing more important to me than being, and no desire more alive for me than to birth my beautiful baby at home, pain-free, and to do...
13:03
all of the work that I had to do to clear the fears out of my system, the stories out of my system. And they're real, right? And like I coach people on mindset for a living and I still had months of my own mindset work to do and to get professional support with doing that because we're not supposed to do it alone. Even if we quote unquote, know how, it's that process of walking through the, the experience and the fears and all of that with someone else that really lets it transform.
13:33
Um, but I also want to say like the prep work that I did to have a pain-free birth, Karen, it was not just mindset, like your program and the actual like breath techniques, the, um, embodiment techniques that you teach. It was unlike anything that I learned in the hypno-breathing course and I did, and it was so helpful, so helpful. I'm so glad to hear that. That is like the whole, my whole goal went from the beginning when I did.
14:01
when I started this course and this whole account, this whole message was like, you need the practical and you need the spiritual, you need the mindset work. And I see people falling into a ditch if they only focus on one. Like I see lots of women like, oh, I'm going to have a pain free birth. And they do all the prayers and they do all the mindset work and then push comes to shove and like, labor's hard and intense and they get thrown off, you know, the wagon or they do all the research, all the like, cross all the T's, dot all the I's.
14:30
you know, when it comes down to it, they didn't deal with those inner fears. They didn't really embody that belief system and shift that mindset. So both are so important. And that's why I teach teach and preach both all day long. So I really, you really got this message. You said something at one point, I think it was, um, I don't know if it was on Instagram, but you were going through some of the segments in the course and you're like, I, I've decided I've just decided this is what
14:57
I'm going to do. And can you tell share a little bit more about that? Because I know it was such a journey for you, as it is for all of us, of like walking through that, that faith and fear, you know, journey of like, is this possible for me? What did that look like for you when you was there like a moment that shifted everything for you? You mean in the preparation or in labor itself in the preparation? Yeah. So for me, it was really, I mean, first of all, I am, I, there's not many
15:25
courses that I will sit down and do DIY self-study by myself. Your course, I finished all the way through and then rewatched. And so just to test how good it is. It's so helpful, it's so well done. But it was like, I can't remember which module it was, but it was like the way that you interwove technique and really practical breath and...
15:54
just modeling the logistics of how to navigate intensity. Oh, I remember it was the module, I can't remember which one, but where you're talking about catching the intensity of the wave as if you're swimming on a wave. And if you miss the timing, it becomes a lot harder to ride the wave. And so that technique alone was something that really served me so, so well in labor. But it was like, hearing you talk so specifically about this, I'm like, I can do this.
16:23
I can do this. And for me, the shift was not, I can do, like, I think a lot of times we think about, I can do this almost like bolstering our confidence and our sense of purpose or whatever so much that we think we kind of trick ourselves into being able to control the outcome. That was very different than what happened for me in this moment. What happened for me in this moment was not, I've decided everything's going to go perfectly. It was, I have decided.
16:53
that I can stay present with intensity enough to have a different experience. And that shift was so, I'm like getting chills as I say that, that shift was so empowering. It's not, I've decided that I'm going to feel nothing and just like have this like divinely euphoric experience where it's all just beautiful sensation. It's I have decided that I am capable, strong, healthy, present enough to be with what is
17:23
and have a beautiful experience in spite of intensity. And that is 100% what happened. I just need to repeat that because that is so profound. I've decided to stay present with intensity. That is amazing because you're absolutely 100% right. It's not about being numb. It's not about not feeling it. It's like complete feeling. It's feeling everything in every cell of your body, being completely.
17:52
filled with and one with your body embodied in this present moment of what's happening in your body and not resisting it at all. And I just love how you describe that. Oh my God. Well, you're making me think of another point in, in, I can't remember if it was in a conversation with you or in the course itself, but you talk about giving your contractions waves, surges, whatever you want to call them, like embracing them like a bear hug. And that was actually a really, that was a watershed.
18:21
moment realization for me, Karen, because what I realized in that moment is in my previous birth, which was so painful, I was like, I almost use my breath to dissociate from my body. And anytime that intense surge came on, in my mind, I'm like, pain free, hypnobreath, whatever, I should just be feeling bliss. I should be feeling calm. I should be feeling like this is easy. And when it didn't feel easy,
18:48
I use my breath to almost like, like brace myself and even doing that right now, right? Like, you can feel that tension, the tension, your tents. And so of course it's going to be painful. And so that mental shift of embrace, like melt like butter. And I just kept thinking, like that was an image and a visual that I had going in. And I know you like encourage us to like create those visuals. Like,
19:16
It was like, how can I be just like melted butter, like so soft, so supple? Yes. I love that. And that worked for me so, so well. Oh my gosh. Okay. So now you have to tell us about the birth. Like what happened? How did this work? Give us all the details. Oh my God. I'm talking about this. I can tell you what happens every day, all day. Okay. So let me just say that my experience, going over...
19:46
quote, and I'm doing that in air quotes here, like my due date, which I did with both my babies was such an activation for me. It was so... I am not the most patient person in the world, which you may be able to tell just from hearing this. I like things to be in control. And yet I knew that my divine, biggest spiritual assignment in birthing this beautiful baby was to surrender.
20:13
And I actually found it so much easier to surrender during labor than I did find it easy to surrender from like 41, no, 40 weeks to 41 and one, which is when I went into labor. So that was just like, again, and I know I messaged you during that time being like, oh, this is hard. Like I'm going for walks. I'm eating the spicy eggplant.
20:35
what else am I, I'm trying to have sex as much as I can. Yeah, you, I think you've tried a membrane sweep. There was, you did like all the things. I was just kind of like giggling, like, yep, it's okay. Like go through the motions. And it's like, so anyway, I remember the day that I went into labor, it was the first really hot day of summer here in Maine. And we went to the lake. I may cry telling this story.
21:01
And it was the first time I went swimming and got in the water. Jack is a cancer baby, and he's such a little water spirit. It's so profound. And so anyway, went swimming, was really beautiful, had a great time, came home, had a nap in the afternoon. And when I woke up from my nap, I felt my first surge. And it was different than the Braxton Hicks, like the practice contractions that I'd been having for weeks before.
21:31
It felt very rhythmic. Like the word that I described when I wrote my birth story in my journal a couple of days postpartum was like oceanic. It felt like a, it almost felt like a symphony. It was like a swell in my belly. And then it like, it went down and from taking your course and that be the beautiful way that you described, like the waves, like an ocean, I was like, this is that, like, this is different than that. Just like tight, tight belly.
21:59
then it's gone. Like this, it was swell. And then it went down. And then like 10, 12 minutes later, same thing. And it wasn't super intense to start, but it was very marked. And I'm like, I think I'm in labor. And so like very, very early labor. And so went downstairs, had dinner with my family. My parents were there. They got Ella sorted. We had like hamburgers. I remember I couldn't really eat a lot.
22:27
But at the dinner table, it was like, everything would be normal, everything would be what it was. And then every 10 minutes or so, I'd feel the swell and I had to kind of like, just like pause. I put my head down on the table, breathe. But I was really like in that process of embracing them as they came and using that breath technique that you teach about for like early and active labor. And...
22:53
It was just beautiful. My experience, my whole experience of labor was, it was beautiful. Like I am so excited to do it again. I love it. It was, it was just anyway. So that happened, went to bed that night, told Toby, I thought, you know, we're going to meet our baby really soon. We went to bed around 12 o'clock midnight. I woke up with a big surge and I just like moaned. It was like, whoa.
23:21
one of the biggest things that supported me all throughout the labor was sounding and like keeping those sounds really, really low. So like I said, throughout the whole labor, starting from around one, two, three in the morning, all the way through when Jack came came into the world at 1230 on the dot the next day, or, you know, that day. So I went into labor earliest signs of labor, like five in the afternoon.
23:48
He was born the next day at 1230. So I had about a 19 hour labor. And just a parentheses here, a lot of people said to me, oh, the second just like pops out my labor was two hours, four hours. I'll get to that in a second. So in my head, I knew enough not to have expectations, but there was still that story of like, this is going to be fast. And it wasn't actually for me, but it was, it was rhythmic. It was beautiful. And there was just this intelligence of my body working with him.
24:18
to come out in the exact right way. And so I would say, yeah, we started to progress around like one, two a.m. My midwife got there, I think around two, my doula got there around three. And it just, it was like that swelling, like, you know, and I was using my breath to, we had the, it was everything that's how I wanted. We had the tub.
24:45
We had the fairy lights, the Himalayan salt lamp, the most beautiful labor playlist. I'm happy to send that link if you want to include it in the show notes, Karen, but it's like- Yeah, those were beautiful sounds. Oh my God. I'll put that in there. Just so, so, so gorgeous. I'm so happy to share that with anybody. And it just, it all felt like really sacred and beautiful. And I think it was around like five-ish in the morning or six in the morning.
25:12
that was the first time that I got into my head. And I was like, which is so funny. They got there at like 1 a.m. But again, there was this story, laboring was beautiful, changing positions. I peed so much. Toby was like, I think you overcompensated. You peed like a million times. You're making up for it. Totally. But by 5 a.m., I had peed a ton and I kept peeing throughout the, like from five till 12.30. But I like...
25:37
went to the bath, like pooped a lot and cleared everything out. So I was just like a clear vessel and while the intent of the contractions continued to rise in intensity, it was so manageable using that like surf technique of like embracing them early, using the sound like I kept saying down, like low, doing that really deep sounding, which helped me so, so, so much. Yeah.
26:06
and feeling just deeply held by my husband, by the music. And the midwives really, to their credit, they really let Toby and I labor alone for most of the time, which was just, it was beautiful. But it was around daybreak that I was like, this is taking too long. And one of the things that I was so served by in working with you is just moving anything that is coming up in labor.
26:35
that could stop you or make you go into your head. Like I knew if I go into my head, I'm gonna end up experiencing pain. And- And that self-awareness right there is like what all your training and preparation did for you. Yes, exactly. And it's like one thing to hear it on this interview, right? But it's another to like actually do the work to integrate and embody and like really work it into your bones.
27:01
And so when that came up, I said to Toby, I'm like, please get Sarah. Like I need to just say this to our birth team. And I'm like, guys, I have this story that I, this is taking too long. And I like, I started to cry and anytime, you know, when we cry in labor, my experience, like we released so much, we let go and the whole, obviously the whole process of labor, and this is. Something again, that was so contrary to my experience with Ella. It felt so.
27:28
it like I had to push not just at the end and I pushed for like six hours, but it wasn't just like a push. It was the whole energy of the labor felt hard. The whole energy of the labor with Jack felt soft. It felt like it was not about pushing. It was around letting go. It was around like letting my ego die. It was around the story of I need to do anything. It was, it was like
27:58
How much am I willing to let be stripped away from my efforting so that my perfect intelligent body can bring this baby earth side? And so I spoke that out to the birth team. They were all like, oh, honey, like we have nowhere else to be. Like we're, we're chilling. We're fine. Yeah. It's the weirdest fears sometimes show up in labor. Like, like, oh, it's taking too long. I'm going to, I'm a burden. I'm a burden somewhere else.
28:27
I'm in inconveniencing them. And it's like, I don't know how many women could probably relate. I know I felt the same way. But it's like, I love your strategy, though, that you were just like, I bring everybody in, I need to speak this out. Like, no shame, because it's so easy to just bury it. And then that really can.
28:46
affect your labor. It can solve things, it can create pain. And the fact that we're just like, no, I need to say this out loud. Well, and it's like, you know, we hear all the time, Karen, like the spiritual significance of birth and that we're not just birthing a baby, but we're birthing a mother or we're birthing the next iteration of ourselves as mother. And for me, it was like, I am birthing the next iteration of myself, not just as mother, but as as woman as leader. And like that release.
29:16
that came with tears, that came in the form of initiating that conversation. It was like, I don't on a conscious level think of myself as a people pleaser, but like there was some tendrils of that people pleasing, taking care of everyone else in the room that died in that moment that was about like, am I willing to surrender this? Am I willing to let this go? Am I willing to let this move up and out?
29:41
You know, you talk about like if we try to bury anything, any limiting belief, any story that comes up while we are in labor, it is going to make labor harder. But it's like labor is such a portal to healing transformation, like for you as a mother. And for me, it was totally that. So getting to speak this, it was just instantly gone. Like that fear was gone.
30:07
labor started to move. It wasn't stalled, but it just things really started to move. We did some spinning babies moves because it was just like a low descent. He, I don't know, I guess I probably had back labor, but to be honest with you, I was just so in my body and so in my breath that it wasn't like the feared back. I know that's a big fear for women of like, Oh my God, what if I get back labor? It's so painful. You could see his head like a
30:37
like a grapefruit at my sacrum. Truly. Yeah. You have like a picture of it. I'm pretty sure. It was a grapefruit. And I was like so neutral. I'm like, wow, that's interesting as opposed to, oh my God, this is like, like I can't even. It was just so fascinating. So anyway, I moved a lot, drank apple juice with ice, best thing ever. My midwife made me a smoothie in the morning to keep my energy up.
31:06
We went out, she's like, go outside, get your feet on the earth. And I remember walking out with just my bra and like a sarong, no pants on into our yard. Oh my God, Karen, I'm gonna cry saying this. I remember in the course, you have one part where you ask us to draw our ideal birth scenario. We kept this on the fridge for so long because my art skills are literally like a kindergartener. And I had like stick figures in the yard.
31:35
We were like on this blanket, like it was, I have to try to see if I can find this and send it to you. It's so bad, but so funny. But I had this moment as I was swaying and leaning on Toby and hugging him that I just, and the sunlight was streaming through the trees. It was a gorgeous morning. And I said to Toby, I'm like, babe, we're doing it. Like we are in my vision. So the power. Yes.
32:02
doing that visualization work, you guys, like I cannot tell you how helpful that was. And so anyway, that earthing was so beautiful to just like draw on the strength and the energy of mother earth. And then I don't know, it was like shortly thereafter, I got in the tub, I got in the water. And oh my god, talk about a natural epidural. It was so right. Like, it's really, I just have to interrupt you and just like comment on
32:31
I love how throughout this whole process and in the midst of labor and intensity, you truly embraced your transformation. You were all in. It wasn't about just the pain or how it felt for you. It was like, no, I'm going to get an up level. This is me elevating and evolving as a woman, as a mother, as a business leader.
33:01
the message that I really am obsessed with trying to, you know, convey to people is that birth is so much more than about pain. It is a transformational process. And I just hear that through everything you're sharing, how much you embrace that and welcomed it and, and like focused on that, like, and every then everything that came up, it wasn't like it could, it didn't derail you, but you looked at it like, oh, wait, this is part of my transformation.
33:28
And it's so, I thank you so much for that reflection, Karen. That really means the world. And one thing that Toby shared with me, he was just, I mean, he's so beautiful. He's like my, just my absolute rock. And he, Toby's my husband for anybody who's listening. But he said, babe, I was, you know, I am blown away by you, by your strength and how like your, like, you were up for everything. Like I was fully dilated and there she's like, um,
33:57
you know, let's try this like spinning babies move where you're in like a supine twist during a huge intensive surge. And I'm like, sure, let's do it. At the very, very, very end, when my body is in full fetal ejection reflux, literally pushing my baby out, whether I like it or not, I was lying on my back and I knew I was like in my full animal.
34:25
And I'm like, I need to get on hands and knees. But like, yo, when you are in that final stage where your baby is pushing yourself out to turn over and like actions are like back to back to back to back to turn over in the tub and get up on hands and knees, like, but I'm like, I'm doing that, like, let's go. And it was just like, nothing was an impossibility. No tsunami like wave was too big for me to ride. No.
34:54
you know, momentary thing was what no, no, no contraction was too big to handle. No inconvenience. Like I had a cervical lip and my midwife, you know, held, she, she was like in there checking me. She's like, Oh, you're fully dilated, but you've got a little bit of a lip. Can I stay in here for the next surge? And I'm like, yes, that's fine. Um, and she did that in my waters broke and it was, and then labor really started to progress.
35:24
But the mindset that you're describing, like that all in this manifested as I am going to allow everything. I am resisting nothing. And it's so interesting. Like that takes more strength than muscling our way to a result to surrender our way to a result and to be so devoted to surrendering again and again and again and to trust.
35:51
so deeply that everything is unfolding as it should and my body is intelligent, my baby is intelligent. It is that complete melting is it absolutely has transformed my life in more ways than I can even say. I could not have put it better. I mean, it is just so beautiful and I can relate so much. It is just the way you're describing it. And it really truly is that it is complete surrender.
36:20
complete embracing this. You said, I allow everything and I resist nothing. I mean, just to be, that is the state of mind, especially in those like final surges, when your body takes over. Like there is no way to describe with words how intense that is. And that is like the only mindset that will get you through it without pain. Yeah. Oh my God. So like talking about that. So in the water, once my water's broke,
36:50
Um, it was around 11 o'clock and I only know this from looking at time stamp photos, looking back, I definitely was not aware of this in the moment, but, um, it started to rain outside and I remember being in the tub and like turning to Toby and I could feel, it was like that really beautiful, um, intensity of like that, like the pushing it was like, I could feel that it was coming, not describe, describe that for us. What did that feel like? It fell.
37:19
Um, it felt scary. So this was the second part in the labor where I felt, um, like I needed to clear something. I needed to speak it. I felt, I can't describe this to you, Karen, other than like, I felt Jack's spirit so strongly. I turned, I, Toby, I was resting on Toby and it started to rain and I was in the water and these surges were building. And I said, like,
37:46
my heel, our baby is so close. And I knew that I needed to just melt, but the surges were starting to build. And it was an intensity, there was a flicker of, can I handle this intensity? I am feeling my desire to hide from this intensity and do the dissociating thing that I did last time.
38:14
that was something that I, that was the final surrender. That was the, that was my invitation to just melt to attempt, but it was like the hardest part of labor for me was can I just melt? The hardest part was not actually pushing him out or when he came out, that part, my body just took care of for me. It was the final surrender to like let the intelligence of my body.
38:42
move him through. And when I spoke that to our birth team, I was like, I'm, I'm scared to really let go. I'll never forget. God bless her. My midwife, she like, she took my hands or she took my face in her hands. And she said, Cait, that, that feeling, that intensity that it is scaring you that you're wanting to avoid, that is what's going to bring your baby home. And I just like, Oh, like when she said that, I was like, okay, nothing is wrong.
39:12
nothing is wrong, nothing is wrong. Like this intensity is what it's supposed to be. This is beautiful, this is holy. Like I've got this, everything is okay. And then it was just like, it slowly and then all of the sudden, my body was pushing it. It was like, okay, I'm riding the waves, I'm doing the surf thing, got it. And then like, whoa, like it was like,
39:39
you know, it's like intense, intense. And then it's like, holy like, my body is like expelling this baby. Are we there? I don't know if other women feel like that, but it's like, because I didn't push and I will say this to you. I did not push Jack, like y'all Jack was nearly 11 pounds. I did not push this baby out. I literally barely even quote unquote,
40:09
my the reflex of my body pushing him out do it. Yeah. And it just was the most surreal experience that I can describe. I knew in that moment, Karen, for me, like I understood power at a level that I never have before. For me, you know, we know these as concepts, right? The
40:39
like as a thing that we write about in that state. Again, I had now moved from like feeling this like, whoa, like he's coming out, babe, I need to get over. I turned halfway. Actually, this is interesting. So Toby was in the tub with me. I was lying down and then I turned to go over, but I had to ride out a surge kind of on my side.
41:03
almost as if I had a peanut ball sideways in the tub, leaning on Toby, whose back was against the thing. And I'm like, I might just need to push him here because this is so intense that I don't know if I can get up on my knees. And I rode that out. Then I'm like, okay, let's do it. And I moved over and got up on my hands and knees. I was leaning into Toby. It was a really great position for me. I felt a lot of space to let him come down.
41:31
but it was like leaning on him in that moment, feeling my body, do what it was born to do. I understood power in a way that I, no course book program, mentor, anything could teach me other than being in my body in that moment. Power is not about force. It's not about efforting even. It's about the,
42:00
ability to let the intelligence of what is meant to move through you move with zero resistance and that oh my god, I get chills just saying that because it was like two surges two of being on my hands and knees and Jack was crowning and then you know, I another fear that I had because Ella came out in one push, which is why I tore so bad. I had a fear of.
42:29
how much it would hurt to have him crowning. And the only time I experienced pain in the whole labor was like the ring of fire. And then like, but it was gone in a flash. It was like so freaking manageable. But I look at this video, which you posted, I posted on my Instagram, it's on Karen's Instagram if anybody wants to see it. And I was like.
42:55
You know, I was sounding, I was whatever, like saying, is like breathing, but I was between surges with his head out of my body. And it was so manageable, which is just like so cool. Our bodies as women are just unreal. But that process of the final surrender of just letting him come through, again, I barely even bore down. I just opened myself. I leaned into my support.
43:24
There was also a really potent spiritual moment, which was like the thresholds between the second to last surge and the final surge, which got him out, which was, I felt this presence. It was like this council of women that I felt my ancestors on this land. I felt my ancestors in my maternal lineage. I tapped into this like,
43:52
primal feminine strength that has literally birthed billions of humans into this world and every single one having to go through this threshold of the final surrender. And it was just like, I drew on their strength and I just like bowed at the feet of my body and let this humongous toddler-sized baby come out of me. And I remember like he came out into the water.
44:22
and just like leaning back and Sarah caught him leaning back and like bringing him to my chest. I didn't know, he was a surprise. We didn't know if he was a boy or a girl and bringing him to my chest and Toby like crying happy tears and said, it's a boy. And I just like, I heard him start to cry. I held him on my chest and it was just like the most perfect moment of my whole life.
44:52
I'm crying. Oh my gosh. It's like perfection. It's so beautiful. And I just, I love how you faced like everything that was coming and like even feeling like you're your ancestors like you know, like it talks about in the Bible, like the great cloud of witnesses, like this realization that we're not alone, you know, like we're never alone.
45:17
there's angels, there's spiritual beings, there's the great cloud of witnesses, there're people cheering us on. I was cheering you on from states away. And those epiphanies, that realizations of those things and just those beautiful moments when you mentioned never feeling power in your life like you had at that moment. And I love that. It is so true.
45:46
childbirth is like a rite of passage. Oh, it is. When we truly embrace it, it will uplevel your whole life. It'll uplevel your motherhood, your identity of who you are, your business, like your confidence as a woman. Yes. It's like, it's invaluable. Like there's just so, there's just so much gold there to unpack. I don't even know what else to say. I can't say anything to like, make what you said any better.
46:15
is the power of like sharing our stories. And I just, it feels like such a beautiful full circle moment, Karen, for me to be having this conversation with you and to know that this story is going to reach the people that you serve because it was watching your content and seeing, you know, like even the audacity to have your handle be pain free birth, free birth, like
46:41
But it was hearing this and seeing it over and over again and then being willing to roll up my sleeves and commit and say, okay, I wanna learn. I wanna learn how that's possible for me. Like that this became possible. And it absolutely is a watershed moment. It's a line in the sand identity changer, not just because we become made into mother or mother to more children. It's like,
47:11
we unlock something inside of us as women and as beings. And it's so funny that you bring that cloud of witnesses phrase in because I wrote about this in my journal. It literally felt like that moment in Harry Potter in the last one where he's like, doing the like wand, final duel with Voldemort and like that.
47:38
The cloud of witnesses, basically like this whole council of all of his ancestors surrounds him and it says like, you're ready darling, like let go. His mom says that to him, the ghost of his mom says that to him. And it was like, I'm like gonna cry. It was literally like that. It was literally like.
47:56
millions of women in this deeper, like, etheric sense. But then, like, my ancestors, the women of this land who've birthed, and we live in an 18th century house who've birthed in this house, it was like, you're ready, like, let go. And it was, that was the final push. It was letting it go, letting myself completely be the vessel.
48:20
and just letting it come through. And I just, I want so much for all women to hear this and to know that you don't have to like muscle and force and push anything in your labor. You get to, even when, and you know, cause then we hear, yeah, yeah, but like what if it's a big baby? Jack's head was well off the charts over the hundredth percentile for head size as an infant. His head was 15 inches.
48:47
at birth and he's 10 pounds, 15 ounces. He's hum, he was humongous. Almost 11 pounds. You probably mean you might mean centimeters, 15 inches be like. Oh, sorry, sorry, not inches, centimeters, but 15 centimeters. I mean, it's huge. It's huge. And yes. And the fact that you tore a third degree chair with your first year at first was nine pounds, something I wouldn't be surprised if your doctor said you should probably just have a cesarean. Yeah. And here you are with a bigger baby.
49:17
didn't have to figure out how to have bigger didn't have to push it all. No tearing, pain-free one stitch. And it was like, this was the other crazy thing, Karen. I like, like I said to you before, I couldn't walk across the room literally without holding onto someone. I couldn't like at the risk of TMI, I literally couldn't like wipe my own butt. Like Toby and my mom were like wiping me like an infant for the first like couple of weeks.
49:45
because after I went to the bathroom, because of how like torn up and sore I was, my perineum healed literally within 10 days. I'm not exaggerating. Like I, everything was like groovy gravy. I could walk across the room from like day one. It was so, because I didn't push, because I didn't have that experience. And yeah.
50:12
The postpartum, when you learn how to push physiologically with your body, is light years difference. Oh my God, it's light years different. I couldn't have said that better. It was a night and day experience. I didn't even barely use the sitz baths that I had. Yeah, save. I don't. Yeah, by my third, when I finally figured out this technique, I was like...
50:35
The next day I wasn't even slow in her in pain. My midwife is like, you're, you're walking around like you didn't just have a baby yesterday. I'm like, Totally. I feel great. Yeah. It's so true. I made all of these like pad sickles, which I love. They're amazing with like pads with witch hazel fold them up, put them in the freezer and then they're like ice packs, but also pads postpartum. I, I must've, I don't know, made literally hundreds in my and I was wearing them well until like six weeks.
51:02
Um, with Jack, I, I use them for like a few days and then I didn't need, I didn't need icing. I wasn't swollen. Amazing. Yeah. It's the body knows what to do. And this is what I am so convinced of for every woman. And if I could just like impart one thing to, to anyone birthing a baby, it is that your body knows what to do. It knows how to push. It knows how to grow a baby. It knows how to heal. When we trust it's innate wisdom.
51:31
amazing things happen. And you are an incredible testimony of that. You fully trusted yourself. You put you like went all in, you surrendered to the process, you trusted your body and its intelligence and it is so incredibly, beautifully intelligent and wise and you were fully present. I love how you didn't turn away like when it got hard or when you felt a moment.
51:58
of doubt, self doubt or fear or pain. You were just like, okay, this is what it is. And it just embraced it. Yes. It just takes so much courage to do that, Cait. And I just want to commend you and thank you for sharing your story. And thank you so much for having me here to share it. The last thing that I really feel called to share here, Karen is just, you know,
52:19
we're speaking about the natural intelligence of all of our bodies as wisdom, as women, the wisdom that we carry, the knowing that in ourselves, we were born to do this. I really think there's a both and here because I always had and have had this ability to birth like this, to have this kind of experience. And it's like the both and of knowing what is innately there and the...
52:47
choice, the very conscious decision to have support in letting the natural fullness of what was always meant to be and come through and be true for me to happen. And that decision to work with you, to study with you, to be mentored by you was absolutely pivotal in me.
53:11
having the experience that I did. Was it my body and the intelligence of me and my surrender and all of that? 100%. Could I have done this alone? You know what? I'm not even interested in that question because I am so, as women, especially as mothers and birth keepers, you passing down the gift of your tools and the support of your mentorship was...
53:39
It was just everything for me and my process. So while I am so, so grateful to share my story and absolutely in resonance with everything you're saying about this innate intelligence that we all carry, I also think we give ourselves so much support when we allow ourselves to be held by other women. And you are just so, so incredibly gifted at what you do. It's literally life-changing.
54:09
I'm humbled to hear you say that. Thank you so much. And it's so true learning to find support and surround yourself with support is so pivotal in birth and in postpartum. And you are a champion at that in motherhood and in life and in business. And it was truly an honor to support you. So beautiful. I can't wait for the next one. I said to myself, you know, I had a little bit of mastitis with Jack in the beginning, which was so hard, but
54:39
And I was like, I can't do this again. But I said recently to a friend of mine, I'm like, oh my God, what is wrong with me? I'm like, I are not already right now. I definitely need a breather. Universe, don't mishear me. But I'm like, truly, like I'm stoked for labor again, because I know I can do it. It was like I said, the connection to your power that unlocks in that time is just, it's unlike anything else. It's the best drug.
55:05
It's addictive. It's addictive. It's oxytocin high. Nothing compares. It's so real. Yeah. So real. Yes. Well, thank you so much, Cait, for sharing your story with women. I know this is going to encourage so many women, and I can't wait to hear what they have to say about what they got out of it. So thank you so much. You're so welcome. Thank you for having me. All right. Bye, everybody. Bye, guys.
55:31
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Pain Free Birth podcast. If you were encouraged, it would mean so much if you left us a five-star review and shared this with your community. I'd love to connect with you on Instagram at PainFreeBirth. To learn more about the Pain Free Birth e-course, free resources, private coaching, and upcoming events, find out more at painfreebirth.com. See you next week.
